late Sunday night, James & i were sitting on the couch, watching a rerun of Gone Country (yeah, i know. now shut up.), when i see the cast pull up to a huge monstrosity of a home, situated behind a gate emblazoned with the name Fontanel (why anyone would name a house after a baby's soft spot is beyond me, but i digress).

me: i love how they fail to mention that they're staying at Barbara Mandrell's old house.
him: mmm-hmmm.
me: don't you think it's odd that i know it's Barbara Mandrell's house just by looking at it?
him: no. not really.
me: don't you want to know why i know it's Barbara Mandrell's house? i mean i've never even listened to country music.
him: yeah, i guess.
me: well, i've been to the Barbara Mandrell Country Museum.*
him: of course you have.
me: don't you think that's odd? i think it's odd.
him: honey, somehow it all makes perfect sense.

*according to Google, the Barbara Mandrell Country Museum no longer exists. thank God i made it there when i did.

too, too much

in the past week alone, my sweet boy has done the following: sprouted BOTH his top teeth, started saying "Ma-Ma," pulled himself up into a sitting position, pulled himself into a standing position, & started to crawl. is it just me, or is that too much for any mama's heart to handle?

slow down, little man. for your mama's sake, slow down.

the week, in review

SUCKY THINGS ABOUT THE PAST WEEK

• i made a wedding cake to feed 250 greedy little mouths. this resulted in a very messy kitchen & lots of chocolate cake batter stuck in my hair. and then? when i was done creating a lovely tower of chocolate confection? i had to drive it to Chicago (praying all the way that i wouldn't be required to slam on my brakes, sending the perfectly iced layers flying to their destruction), assemble it, wait around for a few hours, cut it, serve it, & drive back home. IN THE SAME DAY!
  
• my mother-in-law has to start dialysis soon. meaning that i'm not only very concerned about her health, but that i've suddenly lost the wonderful, FREE childcare that i've had all this time. and that i've had to scramble to find good, low-cost arrangements beginning NEXT WEEK! picture a panicky, flustered me dashing about my kitchen, mixing batter & pulling cakes out of the oven, while calling every single person i knew & begging them to watch Jack for me.
  
• i saw a picture of myself with a pretty hideous double chin. shoot me now.
  

NON-SUCKY THINGS ABOUT THE PAST WEEK

• my house smells still smells like chocolate from all the baking. and the cake was a hit, with more than one person telling me it was the best cake they'd had in their entire lives. they may have been exaggerating a teensy bit, but i have to admit that it WAS a pretty damn good cake.
• i was able to secure sitters for my little guy. all of them family. all of them absolutely in love with my boy. and only one willing to accept pay. Jack will have to stay with a different person each day, but it's only three days a week, & he's not old enough to complain yet. i can now resume my breathing.
  
• Jack entered his first (and last) baby contest & WON! my little boy is officially the cutest 4-6 month old boy in Jackson County.
• i got this necklace, complete with a j (for Jack) & a J (for James), as a gift from my sweet husband. it makes me smile every time i catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror.
  

too much

what am i supposed to do with this body? yes, i've lost my baby weight & then some, but this is NOT my body, folks. my boobs are too big & have already begun their descent southward. i used to run around without a bra, but that is TOTALLY out of the question now. my belly is soft & completely devoid of muscle tone & protrudes considerably more than it did pre-Jack. the stretch marks are few & faint, but I hate them nonetheless. my thighs are big & jiggly & my previously bouncy butt is flat & saggy. i can't afford to buy new clothes that fit me correctly, & am forced to stare at this stranger's body squeezed into tops & skirts that belonged to a different me. i'd love to work out, but can never find the extra time to schedule it into my day. i know i should be kind to myself - it's been less than five months since i gave birth to a nine-pound baby - but i just seriously hate the way i look right now, & it's wearing me down. tell me it'll get better?

WHAT?!? DID WE JUST BECOME BEST FRIENDS?

if you want all to be right with the world (at least for two & a half minutes) go watch this. i've watched the bunk-bed scene alone approximately seventy-three times.

missing in action

would you believe that i actually forgot i had a blog? well, leave it to me, but i did. i don't know how long it had slipped my memory, but when i saw my site listed on a blogroll the other day, i laughed out loud because i had seriously had forgotten all about it. i was all, oh, yeah, i kind of remember that. how's that for commitment?

let's see . . . have i mentioned that i am totally smitten with my child? every day i wake up & he's even cuter & happier & more agreeable than the day before. the child wakes up giggling. i don't know what i did to make God want to give me such a sweetheart of a kid, but i'm so grateful.


he started rolling over last week, & is completely drunk with his freedom. this afternoon, i walked into the living room, where i'd left him on a blanket to roll around with abandon. there he lay on his stomach, propped up on his elbows, holding a teething ring. it freaked me out, because he looked so old - like a five year-old, just home from school, all ready to create a Lego masterpiece. i wanted to cry. my child isn't even four months old yet, & i already feel like i'm losing him. i think i'm too delicate for this motherhood gig, but i guess i'm in it for the long haul.

kindness

this past Saturday, i met my sister in Indianapolis for a rare brunch at the Abbey, one of our favorite coffeeshops in the world. while i waited for her to arrive, i browsed the giant chalkboard menu at the front of the shop, & Jack smiled & cooed over my shoulder at two elderly men sitting nearby. they struck up the usual small talk with me: how old is your baby? he's so cute. does he sleep for you? just wait until he's a teenager.

i used to shudder a little when i heard other people answering these generic questions about their children. the words always seemed so boring, so mindless. enough to make me swear to shoot myself if i ever turned into one of those people. but now i understand. i could talk about my little Sugar Love for hours, tell strangers details about his sleeping habits, & be totally fine with it. in fact, i'm more content than i've ever been.

later, after Amanda had arrived & was placing our order at the counter, I sat in one of my favorite giant armchairs, nursing Jack. i was so happy, just being there in that moment, my precious baby cuddled in a blanket in my arms. kissing the top of his irresistible head. and while i sat there smiling at him, my heart filled with gratitude, one of the men from before approached the table. would you let me give you a dollar for his bank? your baby's just so sweet.

of course, i said. thank you so much. that's so kind of you. it bowled me over, that little act of generosity. the sweetness of that gesture. something else i wouldn't have experienced without this little guy in my life. how did i ever live without him?